What a year it's been.
I was so scared when you were just a little bean...
Scared that I wouldn't be able to love you as much as I love your big brother. Scared of not being a good mom, because I was so busy and deep in my grief.
But then you arrived... on this beautiful spring night.
I don't need to concentrate a lot to relive every single minute of that evening.
Daddy was at the hospital with me, doing what he could to help mommy... We were chatting, watching tv, waiting and laughing. Both surprisingly calm, probably because your big brother was there too. Our hearts were so full and ready to meet you!
It only took a few pushes before they put you on my chest. There are no words to describe how I felt. My heart bursted into a million pieces. You were there, with your little head full of hair.
The months that followed were a rollercoaster of emotions. Full of love and giggles, sleepless nights and cuddles. Grateful to have you by my side, but so broken deep inside...
Have I ever told you how much you look like your big brother? I see him in your smile and your beautiful brown eyes. You are both determined, curious, independent and cuddly all at the same time.
And just like that you turned one... Not a baby anymore, not quite a toddler yet. It's been a crazy year for sure, but I would do it over and over again.
Thank you for giving me my smile back most days, for driving me nuts sometimes.
Thank you for giving me the strength to carry on.
Thank you for giving me the chance to share all the love my heart has been longing for.
Thank you for giving a purpose to my life again.
You taught me to be more present, to be less on my phone and more in the moment. You taught me to forget my laundry basket till tomorrow and watch you play instead. You made me realise the importance to document every single day, to take more pictures together, even if my hair is not done and I don't have any makeup on.
I couldn't love you any more than I do today, yet I know tomorrow I will.
So thank you for everything my Lili... What a year it's been.